Life isn't a piece of pie

Twenty minutes ago, I realized something that turned my head inside out and dyed it with blue paint. I was sitting in my least favourite chair. It has lumps and bumps and was very uncomfortable. You're asking now, "why didn't you sit in a better chair?" Well, the answer is, my young dog had claimed all the other chairs as his territory. I was drinking a can of western family cola while watching a TV show with a name I can't quite recall. I laughed loudly after a particularly funny part. The cola flew across the room and hit the TV with a smash. My dog was startled and he jumped onto my lap knocking over a lit candle in the process. The candle fell onto my carpet and lit on fire. I immediately ran to the bathroom to fetch some water. I got water but tripped over the rug and spilt water on my trousers. The fire had spread into the bedroom. So here I am, sitting on my wet carpet waiting to die. Today is just one of those days where life isnt a piece of pie